From a (P)Ledge

Bungee jumping from my bedside post
I see clashing words as though
My eyes derive a future so
Distant
Read the last page of the book.

When I shook your fragile hand
I tried to understand the reason why
This rope is lashing back at me
Its fibers made of brittle gold

I handed you our past, telling you
Take it in pawn
Exchange for illusions
Of a place
A time
Where We want to be
A place our soul comes from
Place where you and me
Be

Satisfying outcries for solutions
For undefined memories in the dust
Covered by many a man's subtle footsteps
Where no one's walked before

We digress from this mess
Given things not meant
To be shared afterall
When it's over, will you give
Me a call?




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Shedding Blood Was Never a Faux-Pas

I hope you suffer, while I
Tear your finger tips
To shreds. I watch the burning beds of
Orphans, mutilated by their past, running
From the shadows that I cast, now
On-to your face

The veins and structural assembly
Create horrific ornaments
To be dismantled by my hands
And all the fans they cheer
Yet covered in your blood i cannot hear
Anything but your helpless cries
While all your lies lose their disguise

See truth as sharpened blade
Twist it and soon your past shall fade
Into your skin, marking it with sin
Scars shall remain the same
Scars shall always shame your name


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The Principle of Resolution

When I lose eyelashes
I don't cast them away
Don't make a wish, don't expect
Too weak. My lung crashes
I have nothing, to
I cannot say
Except
For all the dreams
I wish I'd never had
For all it seems that
I have chantingly declared
Submissive status to icy winds
So old, back from where life begins, I
Hold. On to the breath you give me
My chest. You've given me this gift
I thank You,
I shall breathe. And
I shall live


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Hold the Butterfly Too Tight

Quashed. The caterpillar would
Not fly. I tried so hard, I did
But through clouds my eyes
Cannot reach the sky
Wings never stood
A chance against this storm

Many stories I have worn
Out. Exceedingly expressing
Chronicles of adventures I have
Lived. Yet this predestined tomb
Left me lost, losing touch
Do I know where I'll be?

Fortunetellers even, cannot see
The epilogue of lifelines in our hands
Will I be alone?
Depends.

And still the dark creeps
Uncomfortably. Under my skin
Too thin to withdraw, from
Melancholic voices
Discouraging the butterfly
Keeping it from reaching
The sky


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Long Gone Dynasties

I've got you wrapped around my finger
Congratulations, you won the prize
Of wearing today's best disguise

Are you calling me?
Speak up for I can't hear
Your weak voice behind the wall

I can feel your heart racing
Raging, still you have to kneel
In front of your master's throne

This dynasty will come to end
You will see how you've spent, wasted
Words on me, never to return


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Please, Tell Us a Story

Spreading your reptile arms to find
Ways to inflict harm. On people
Bound. Good people without intention
To do bad. You want attention, yeah?
Now you got it

Articulating dashing fiction, a story
Without glory. Your vile addiction, to
Stir up my very heart, thinking smart
You thought you'd tear unyielding chains
Running through our very veins

Go give it a try, don't be shy, but
Don't think I'll turn my back without
Lack of desire for revenge soon to be
I've got you right where I wanted you to be, so you
Can look into the mirror
To see. My shadow encroaching

My Life
Is none of your concern.
But:
Do call me if there's a fire
Call.
So I can come
To watch you burn.


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Anger (rhetoric debate)

You know how there's a few types of anger?

There's the type when you're frustrated.. you get angry because something keeps popping up and getting in your way. So you lift your arms and you shout out all your anger and then go ahead and try everything again. Until you get past it just like a few large rocks on your way.

There's the type when you're angry at yourself for something you said, something you did. This is not to be confused with regret. This is the type of anger that only hurts yourself like a little masochistic pervert, that makes you feel stupid and go apologize to other people for your own behavior, which then gets rid of the anger.

There's the type where you're angry at people really close to you. The kind of anger that's much stronger than the rest. The kind that makes you punch walls, throw things, destroy things. The kind of anger that takes a while to get over, because it is caused by many other types of anger.

..And then there's anger. Pure animosity. The type that turns you into a potential serial killer. The type of anger that shuts out your senses. You don't feel, you don't see, you don't smell, you don't taste, you don't even think. There's just one single desire. Inflicting pain. Inflicting pure agony on whoever has caused you this emotion, crushing their bodies like worthless ants, to a size at which they can fit back into their mother's womb and be reborn dead. The type that burns your chest and makes you shake. The type that makes all your morals disappear like shadows in the bright, gleaming hot shine of the sun. The type that makes you do things that you will regret. The type you should learn to control, because without the control, you're just another lost soul in a labyrinth of emotion, running into wall after wall.

But what if you've mastered control over this particular type of anger? Do you have permission to use it? It is a very powerful thing, almost like a superpower. Just the bad kind. Once embraced, this anger will not let go. It will eat at your entire being like a leech; and leave no drop of sense flowing in your veins. This is the type of anger you start enjoying more as it gets bigger and bigger. The type you get addicted to while under its influence. The type you don't want to let go of, because you have engaged in perfect symbiosis with it and the power you feel growing within yourself is too overwhelming to be sent away. It's the type of anger that will get you into forced therapy, years of sessions with therapists repeating the same things, until you know the routine well enough to tell them exactly what they need to hear to answer their questions. The type that will, in the end, make you a better person, because as a consequence of its outbreak you will be forced to spend a lot of time thinking about your own behavior.

So is it all that bad? Depends on how you look at it. Are you outcome-oriented? Or is it the way to the finish line that really counts? If I may say, both are equally enchanting.


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Apocalyptic Whispers

They tell us pyramids are greek, no
I refuse to believe and
Try to deceive the makers of the lies
They feed
I will rise. Above the Olympus
To convince gods of mutiny

I will be the iconoclast, to
Destroy. Tarnish things that last, to
Control the end game and make my way
Better memorize what I have to say, for
The end is nigh

Once dust has settled, come to rest
Birds will sing again. To
Welcome those who passed the test, to
Start where everything began


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Outlook Theories

I'm sick of tears and poetry
Crying out hypocrisy
When all know that no one really cares
We live our lives and pay our fares
Few words can and will not change
Things long forgotten in rusty chains
Down in the basement, in the dark
In a place where no one walks
Without hiding their footprints

Mental genocide in three-sixty turns
May it come, none of their concern
Indifference praised by crystal gods
All bets are off against the odds
And still I wait
For the day on which fish
Start ignoring the bait
Don't we all wish


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The Solemn Cause of Closing Doors

Together we lock the doors of our dream
No more bother, nothing to be seen
And as we raise our voices to break the silence
Outsiders try breaking our gates with violence
But they persist, the sticks and stones
Soon the rioters will return to their homes
Yet we shall not stop singing this melody
We'll make them hear and make them see
That locked doors aren't such a bad thing
If there's a bell
Just go ahead and ring


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He Works at the Docks

In the mornings when the fog is here
He goes to work at the fifteenth dock
His willingness to work is sheer
It's as routine as the ticking of a clock

Day in day out
He silently goes about
Shifting cargo from here to there
Hoping in the end it's fair
The expression of his love
Until one day
It all went away
When he found the Dove

This ship was like no other
He had ever seen
He knew he'd found a lover
And a perfect fiend

He started working early
Fascinated by the curly
Waves the sails would thrust at him
Never had he been so far from being grim

Yet this ship was soon to leave
So he hurried up and heaved
All the things he wanted her to take
Into her trunk, her beating heart
Knowing soon they'd be apart
Hoping that the sea
Would turn into a microscopic lake


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Walking the Roads at Night

And when I stare at our photograph
When I remember that devastating laugh
I feel your breath on my arm
And I cry, because you're so far
Away

The pain it's not the ordinary kind
It manages to somehow unwind
The horrors of a lifetime
And I hope you'll see my sign
Blazing on the night's sky
Up above black clouds, so high

Music doesn't sound the same
And every day I go insane
Crumbling to pieces just for me to see
Me and you
That's what was meant to be

Yet I walk these cold streets
Wrapped in layers of formulated clothes
To keep me from the everlasting cold
And I'll keep walking
'till I've got blisters on my feet

I follow the lights towards the dark
And nothing's ever been this hard
Knowing that I'll have to let go
Of the only thing holding my soul
Taped together
As a whole


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Cross the Line

Watch yourself
When you go 'round talking
Watch yourself
Make sure to keep walking
Once you've crossed the line

Once you take that step
There's no way back
But as long as you're happy with yourself
I won't stop you from crossing that line

With gloves you will be touched
And your sin will only be such
That redemption will ravish
That part of you
That savage


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Breaking Glass in the Light

Clocks on the wall
The light hits the ceiling
I can't stand tall
The light hits the ceiling

I got lost on the way
Can't seem to breathe
These memories
Severed from my mind
I will not leave them behind

With diamond chains I keep them here
Dig my teeth in, abandoning fear
The light's creeping closer with each tick
As I feel my teeth getting sick
Of holding on
To what's long gone


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An Angel’s Armageddon

Soundwaves casting out your pandora's box
Let's set out to kill the naive flock
Be the dividing means of panoramic disease
With rippled flowers dying at our demonic feet

Muffling dust is in the air
Our ancient passion shall now flare
The people's minds, those who care
And leave them in despair

Crying for their happy ending
We shall watch their spirits crumble
One last issue, one last thing
Listen to the quiet mumble

Our revenge is complete


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Contaminated Lecture for the Dead

Acuminating my own epilogue
I've furnished you until you stuck
To every word I dismantle from my plan
A hurricane in its greatest form
Tarnishing your very soul, this sinister storm
There will be no eulogy
This is your final stand

You thought to vanish from the scene
You wreck-less worthless prom queen
You should know better than to betray
The master of decay
You ordained yourself to be slain

Furtive promises shouted in the dusk
Don't throw away the only one you trust
The fragment of your reflection in the water
Is all the reminiscence in all the wrong order

The accumulation of my words
Thrashing to pieces your pretty face
You're the one to deserve this curse
I'll be at your last supper
I'll even say grace

I'll tell of your detestable aspersion
I'll staple your eyes shut and search them
For validation for your cowardice
If the last thing I do, this is
The ornament I will leave behind
A final piece of art to bind
Your abominate existence to mine

On this account I shall permit you to pass
But bear in mind this was not a futile farce
Or I will reassure you again and again
That you virtually succumbed
Right here, right then


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New Year’s Resolution

'Tis a bright night
The moon is out
Birds don't fly at night
They used to shout

Yet crashing sounds of hunting wings
Blacker than the feeling we call empty
Disturb the peace of my symphony
Draw my mind to gloomy things

As they point north, putting an end to what is past
I try hard to remember the time I killed last
Was it a few nights ago or just the other day?
Whenever. It's the gore-filled memories that will stay
Haunting
Not me, but them

The wings close in on me
And I'm not sure if I can see
The light of the moon
Anymore
Wasn't meant to be a groom
Wasn't lack of trying
Now it's lack of crying

Denying tears to brighten the blood
I see their faces with eyes shut
The birds are picking at my feet
Tearing flesh that still refuses to bleed

I watch them as they devour all the rest
I smile. I know people would scream
At their very best
Yet I somehow manage to make it seem
Like this is what I wanted all along



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Guru Gore

It's easy to tell who's against you
When you're against everyone
Lets you see straight through
Their face, now make them run

Are you sure you can take them on?
Armies of nightmares attacking at dawn
When you thought the sun would shine
Just stand firm. Punish them for their crime

They'll get what they deserve
You'll be the one to serve
Cut them to little pieces
A puzzle of their anatomy

Don't regret
They had it coming all along
Don't forget
What you've done is anything but wrong



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Shadows Grow Bigger in the Dark

And please, try to understand
That if I go off on a rant
It's not your fault, don't even dare to think
It's not yours, it's my ship that's about to sink

The sails in pieces, heavy storms have done their deed
My last words, this is all the relief I need
To settle down. At the bottom of the sea
With my golden anchor, seems the only place to flee

I'm not running I'm just swimming
The water, it feels cold between my fingers
I take a look, was there too much sinning?
It's the weary ones, the dark thoughts that linger
At the bottom of the sea

Is it a place I want to go?
Truth be told, I just don't know
This all happened way too fast
It grew bigger over time, the shadow that it cast
At the bottom of the sea



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Beggars Can Be Famous Actors

I thought I knew
That we'd get through
Now it's all crumbling to pieces
Please, I beg you.
Don't make me leave this

I'll take the blade, I'll take the flame
I'll take on me all there is to blame
I'll outrun the light before it strikes
I'll do anything to save these nights

Please, I beg you. To let me hold on
Let me tell and show you all before you're gone
The bomb is ticking, we don't have much time
Please react, just give me a sign!

I need to know what's going on
Or I'll forget it all, forget where I'm from
Please just let me in, I don't understand
Or is this just what you had planned?

Please, I beg you.



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Back in November

Like shots in a nightmare echo from walls
I can try to avoid but not help at all
These mournful foreshadowings soon to come true
And sometimes, one or two tears seep through
Run down a face that promised to remember
The way you touched it, back in November

I watch as thunderstorms rumble at night
Their cold lightning being the only light
This place I am, it is dark
This event, I know it, will leave a mark

Fainting memories of words and movements
Craving to walk where you'll be, maybe I'll even sprint
No matter how far away
I will find you, just to say
I love you



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The Holy Tribunal

Tiredness of mind
Exhaustion of unique kind
Leaving all but one way
"You've got to choose a side"
The preying priests say

Sitting, staring, sharpened staffs
They point me out and laugh
Sinister soul to sacrifice
All there was, but keep the lies

Absence of light
Pure. Gleaming bright
Eyes are closed
So I suppose
That I may rest in peaces



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To Francesca: When Angels Grow Their Wings

Weeks have passed
And I must ask
Do you like what you feel?

Adam and Eve must envy us
For this situation isn't what it was
A new era, a feeling I call home
Don't you dare forget me
Now it's written in stone

Imperfect roses for flawless perfection
A story of two flames to ignite
Romantic nights shining strong and bright
This is more than the usual connection
This must be broadband

Blending black and white
To make red our light
Embracing the odour of passion
Since today
Wearing shirt and tux is fashion

The green stare feels warm on my skin
Never had I felt this good
About committing a sin
Don't forget, I never would

Heartbeats and breaths competing
Now we have much more meaning
With binoculars, no expiry date in sight
So let it shine
The indestructible light
Let it set alight the night
The beautiful tale
Aligning us two forever
For today and forever
Our light set sail



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Blind Date in the Moonlight

Sharpening the sword to swing
Of monstrous stories they will sing
Rolling heads and trails of blackest blood
Remembering me, telling of the flood
The darkest night of all
After this night, I will fall

Armed up, prepared for battle
They know they're to be slaughtered
Ripped apart like worthless cattle
Tonight there'll be blood in the water
Enough to fill up all the oceans
The full moon's signal calls upon the motion
As I walk into the darkest night of all

I hear a sound
I turn around
There she was.
Brighter than the moon
"No!" I screamed "No, this is too soon!"
She smiled, a tear running down her face
"This is not the time, nor the place.
This is not goodbye"
She knew it was a lie
"Please" she said
"Don't cry"

I struck. It was precise
Numbing my throat
Blocking all the cries
Dropped to the ground
It was too soon that I had found
The girl, the only one to touch
What others thought of as a grudge
The only bit of human warmth
Was now endlessly swarmed
By her blood
On my very own hands



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The Clown and the Light

Part I:

When the sun settled down
There came a happy clown
But as I captured all the light
In my palm, making him take fright
I watched and grinned
As his smile turned into a frown
Forgive me, I whispered
For I have sinned

The light, it's burning
In my fisted hand
Forgive me, I am just learning
How to make my iron stand
It will always be hard, the turning
But now that I am in command
I will never let it shine again

The light, its gleam is too bright
Won't let it set ablaze the perfect night
For in the dark is where I am
What many others strictly condemn
To be the source of lies and deceit
Don't you worry, I will shut you up
Stitches to seal your mouth
Please take a seat
Welcome to my secret club

Part II:

I watched you throw the light away
Now I will punish you, but it's okay
You don't need to learn a thing
Just ignore the tiny sting
The needle will not pain
But it will surely strain
Your mind to let me be a puppeteer
And I will teach you all about true fear
Without shedding a single tear

Part III:

The clown has lost his smile
Let's hope it lasts a while
Until the light may shine again
You be sure to wait 'till then
I'll sit here, carving lines
Into my blistered skin
Until my conscience combines
With the unforgiveness of my sin

The light bursts from my fist
Enters my mouth and forms a cyst
Boiling, frying my core
"That's it" I thought
But there was more
Shock-waves of light
Illuminating all so bright


Now, there is no remorse
Now.
I am the source


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The Paracletes

The ambiguous echo of her dying voice
Kills us now without a choice
Suffocating the once appreciated flower
Now used as spice to turn sweet things sour

First the taste, smell and touch are gone
Two senses remain, rest unknown
Lose the hearing, situation complete
It's more than sight that we do need
The soaring apparitions of faces we once knew
Turn red under the shine of hate
Counting options, left with very few
We will only follow our fate
Setting alight the flowers from their roots
We promise, to our funeral we'll wear suits
Paracletic deeds will find their end
Her heart's the last thing we did mend

She rips apart our vocal chords
And runs across us with the hordes
Of blurred punches and brutal cries
Splattering what already lies
In pieces, on the dusty ground

Sincerely, we hope that she has found
Redemption in this pitiful act
'Cause she does not know that for a fact
Without our senses we do not feel
As the fire causes our skin to peel

The cremation of our casings
Leaves her, just embracing
A new echo sounding in the theatre
Only to be recognized some time later
Crying out a different message
Yet too unclear to be fetched

So blood-shot eyes do close at last
We tried but couldn't make it fast
One last time our fainted touch
Will release her from the clutch
To let her choose her direction for a change
Keep in mind, we'll be in close range
To sing to her again and again
After all, she's still our friend



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There Is Blood in the Water

Drowning in waters, deeper than my scars
Sinking backwards, gazing at the stars
The light's breaking, eyes are flooded
Now I know I won't die cold-blooded
Time to find acquaintances
Time off for all five senses
Now that time is all I've gained
With everything else uselessly drained
Into the black of this ocean

I turn around to face the dark
When from the shadow comes a shark
Tearing away my wrinkled skin
Scourging me for all my sin
I try to scream
But inhaling fills my lungs
I try to dream
But there a second biter comes
Attracted by my bloody scent
Now my meat is what I lend
Adjoinedly they thrust their hungry jaws
All for a single good cause
In the black of this ocean

The other fish, they stay away
Leave me to rot and to decay
The sharks, they took me bit by bit
Parted me well so that I'm split
I gave myself to them, every last piece
Hoping that whoever's watching sees
That I chose sharks to be my only friends
So hypocrisy finally ends
But one thing must be noted
Know that I was devoted
To the sharks completely
And though it is a little freaky
I can only fill so many mouths
I won't care how much he shouts
If I'm already eaten away, then no hope
And no wish
Can make you cope
Because you realize you were just one of the fish.


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Crows for the Dead, Hawks for the Heroes

As a statue I stand
Guarding the adorned gates of my black citadel
From which myself I have banned
And despite the light my eyelid fell
Closed, Shut.
Should have trusted my gut

Words engraved on my outer shell
Hastily etched away the smile
I try to resist
Yet the abhorrent pain makes me dwell
On this creation, this puzzle oh so vile
Depicting the scene of a nomad traveling to find
A place to stay, to leave his mess behind

Standing there, made of fragile stone
Knowing that I'm all alone
A bird comes fluttering, landing on my arm
Chirping a song I had not heard for long
Giving lips the shape of half a moon
It makes me feel warm
Reminds me the long way I've come from
And that the sun will rise again
Very soon


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Scars Do Tell Stories

Through the bars of a prison cell
Built around the sound of your voice
Through the bars I yell
But my lips are shut without a choice

Questions rummaging through a subconscious fantasy
You cut off my wings and I can't flee
From black blood running down my neck
Forming shapes in the ashes on the ground
Soaring my eyes with what I don't want back
Until at once, in the blood I drowned

Bars transformed to walls
As I watched the bricks pile up
You didn't hear my calls
Or else you'd have been struck
By the silence of my throat
Where there was heat, there now is cold
As I unfold
My chest, to release my last breath
I'm glad you didn't see the inner death
When stared into my eyes and smiled
Didn't see that I was nothing more
Than a fantasizing child
Who too great a burden bore



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Giving Black Wings

Swing your hips as much as you want
This is your end, you handed me the knife
I'll be approaching and confront
Your slender face with this blade I'll take your life
I'll take it in all its beauty, spill the essence of your heartbeat
This'll teach you a lesson, you talking shit isn't what I need

You crossed a line the day you resurrected the dead
After spending so much time, moaning in my bed
You still care, at night you're alone and you cry
But don't worry, I'm here to give you wings to fly
To Hell
Oh you think you're going the other way?
Wrong, you're about to descend babe

You're trying to take away what is now mine
'Cause you think your own desire is divine
Now I'll have a go at it, about fucking time
You blame others for your failure and now
I'll take this blade and I will make you shout
"Forgive me, please!"

But you already know that your time is up
Your face shows you've realized, fuck
I grin and spit in that desperate visage
And while I hack and carve, I laugh

No mercy, no. Not for this useless attempt
To act like a sincere friend
Your head spinning like dice
And still, at night, they will hear your cries
Forever



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Dilating a Deserted Iris

Now I resemble what once was part of you
I seem to just be passing through
The ambiguous crime of emptiness
Leaves me with all but rest
And peace

I raised from the dead and fought for myself
All that I've kept is what I once felt
When I only had a glimpse of you
The brittle reflection in your dark eyes
How could I not have seen your lies?
My anger was backstage, waiting for its cue

The tension increases, the chain begins to break
I hope you know that I'm more than just afraid
To let loose the clawing monster that I have become
Why won't you let us come undone
And end it right here
Right now

The show has begun
The dilemma you've spun
Please believe me
And please just hate me
Since I
I am the one who still cannot cry

The Fountain

Sometimes, when i feel lonely and disturbed
I play the chords to my ambiguous lullaby
And sing the story that has curbed
My vision of the people
I thought were closest by

Sometimes I want to cry out a warning
Protect the ones I used to love and hope for
From a lesson I wish I'd never learned
Since after each sleepless night follows a morning
Of wishing senses would fail and leave me no more
Than what I feel I have earned

Sometimes I wish a tear would leave my eye
Casting loose all crowded sheets
Seemingly useless, yet covered by
The two words my innermost fountain needs
To let the waters flow and nourish those
Who surround it, asking, begging, kneeling
Until that special one throws
In that key feeling
Opening the gates for what I need see
"Forgive me"

Sometimes I wish that I would know
How to forget that which is forever
And therewith end this stupid show
I ask: When will the day come?
Never.

Cease Fire

The lush colors of a blurry memory
Luminously incinerating the shades at night
I close my eyes, prepare to see
That hopeless, never-ending fight
I cannot flee, I cannot flee

Words cut through and separate the two
Mind and heart, firing bullets labelled with my name
Soon I lose touch with what once was true
Friends and fiends alike, it's me who is to blame

Remembrance of my endlessly blooming field
Etiolates to gray, they have crushed through my shield
I know the end is near, though this is just a prelude of it all
One day soon, I know that I will fall

But I will clutch the roots of wilted flowers
I will not let the bad devour
That of me, which will survive
I won't let you take my life

Slowly, colors do return
Deciphering the meaning in bold letters
I color them in, trying not to burn
My chance to live my life a little better




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The Beginning

My first few pieces, written about a year ago.

Realization

Realization is a queer thing
It's like the angels that sing
Carols to soothe your end
When death's away one finger's bend

Turn the page to find a key
Use it, unlock a way to flee
A mid-summer nightmare as none before
One bad decision, nothing more

Fate is what fate wants
Just persist these dark months
Persist and blossom in life
Put down the sharpened knife

Eyedrops for the Mentally Weak

“Distance won’t tear us apart”
Were the words you put in place
To make incredibly less hard
Which now came slapping my face
Playing russian roulette with wilted roses
Ripping to pieces the bond
You so convincingly said you’d want
Now I stare at a door that closes
With each tick of the fractured clock
And I’ve got nothing to block
Those thoughts moving through the front of my mind
Shouldn’t they be fatigued?
It’s now the fourth time around
That everything means nothing
Only this time around
You mean everything
You said “Distance won’t tear us apart”
Now I beg and plead
Let the moon shine and don’t discard
Its light for it will lead
A way out of tragic nights
Drowned in pills and dark lights
Let it shine and it will align
The word we whispered together
“Us” forever

Foreword

For the ones I love, the ones I call my friends and the ones who appreciate what I do. Here is the blog that will, in time, contain most of my poetry.

I would greatly appreciate constructive feedback, or feedback of any kind for that matter. It's a hobby of mine and I am hoping to improve.

- Paul