The Moon

2.30 in the night and through the window of this room, past a few faint clouds I can see the moon’s shine. It reminds me of all the places I’ve gone to, all the places I’ve been and all the places to which I will be going. In these moments I don’t quite know how to feel, the onslaught of memories and dreams overwhelm my mind and leave no space for emotions. That’s what I see my life as: the past, present and future, more exactly the dismal past, the stressful present and the unknown future. The past is what has shaped me, in the present I’m busy trying to create what I want my future past to be and, finally, my future is full of hopes and dreams. Seems like a taunting view on life for an optimist like myself, but optimism is what I define it as, my life is what I define it as and I define by making the choices I want to make.

The moon’s shine seems stale, almost monochromatic in the way it seeps through the clouds and into my eye, where it swirls up a pool of worry and self-pity. I get lost in my thoughts and find myself combining the distance between myself and the moon with the idea of all the distance between myself and my dreams. They seem far away, completely unreachable, yet at the same time their aura mocks me, tempts me and gives me all the strength I need to go on. I’ve come to a turning point in my life, a point at which I need to define my future. I’m scared. “But so is everyone else – it passes” you might say, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. Many people fascinate about the moon, write about it, think about it, talk about it, but only very few ever reach it. I may be scared, but I know that I have what it takes to reach my own moon. A very wise and very important woman in my life has taught me: “If you want something, go get it”. Ironically enough, that exact woman is on my moon right now. That’s what the moon does to me. It scares me. The things I want scare me, but I find strength in my wise companion. She’s taught me much and she’s taught me well. I will do what is necessary to be her Neil Armstrong. What is ahead of me may seem almost impossible, but if I reach that place, that great shining rock, I know I can finally start living the present, instead of using it to form my future and past life. Once I’ve achieved that, I think I will have gone where neither man nor woman has gone before. And I can’t wait to share it.